New beginnings

Marking the start of a New Year!  It happens each time we hit a new year, obviously.

This year is a little different in that we are going through a transition that we were not necessarily prepared to have.  Our oldest daughter, now married, has a life that she has to have on her own, the middle daughter, who recently found her life turned upside down, is out figuring out her own life, and the youngest son, well...let's just say that he has a lot of thinking and drawing on his own life to do.

Each of them has an empty tablet to write on; a new chapter is beginning for each of them.  Something that must happen as each of us, as parents, transition to another part of our life.  Something that we don't necessarily think about when we are young and wanting the family, like our oldest.

We dream of those times when we have the baby and the love and excitement of such new things, that as we grow older and begin to transition to another part of our lives, we simply don't think about any idea of transition to something that seems so, shall we say, empty, at all.

This is somewhat of a tricky time, especially for me.  I am not so much questioning what do I do next, but rather wondering, 'What really is in store for me?'  How do I live a life that feels so different from that of mom, or parent?  How do I really handle these times of my grown children running off and not really knowing who  they are with or what they are up to?  I know, we did that when the kids were teens, but somehow this is so different.

Do I really still seem involved in what they are doing?  Do I have anything to say about what or who they hang around with any more?  Can I live my own life as I did long ago, before they were even something that I wanted to protect with all my being?  This transition is just a time to reflect on who I was before they were even in the picture.

Going to a hockey game the other day, I was a different person and my daughter, gave me the strangest look.  My response was simply that 'You really just don't know who I am'.  Because of the fact that I am a separate person from the title of 'mom' that they have known for so many years.  In some small way, it was a little different for me to think of myself apart from that title that I have carried for so long.  But, at the same time it was freeing for me to let them see me as a different very unique person that they didn't know before they were born,

The new year brings about some regret and some insight that gives me greater hope for bigger and better things to come in the coming year.  Yes, it will be filled with some really big things, some down times and some points of growth.  My prayer is that I will be filled with more hope and greater fulfillment from my self-discovery in the coming year and that this time of transition will be filled with great joy!!