BOVENKERK ANNUAL COLD-WEATHER CHRISTMAS LETTER 2014

I pray that this annual letter finds everyone in great anticipation of the coming of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.  We look forward to this season when we can remember and draw strength from Him for the coming time of His arrival.

A TIME TO DECIDE!  - Will he, or won’t he?  Christopher has gone through a major change and this was the decision he had to make…’Will he, or won’t he?’  What? You may ask. The answer.  Throw his entire family into turmoil (more like himself) on the thought of leaving Wal-Mart after….wait for it….17 Long and arduous, stressful, long, frustrating YEARS!! And yes, we said long twice because it was!

After one day saying, yes he will and the next saying, no he won’t, he finally made the grand decision to leave Wal-Mart management for good.  And then, instead of being a gigolo and sponging off his wife and kids, he decided to get a job…oh wait, they already asked him the day he put his application on-line.  What is he doing you might wonder?  Well….first of all here is his e-mail address: cbovenkerk@ft.newyorklife.com... No, really….just send him a note.  He has ventured out and spread his wings and said, “What the heck am I doing now?”  Then he became the superhero of the Life and health insurance world. (Along with annuities, long-term care, college funding and the like) SERIOUSLY, he really has.

His stress level has dropped a little too much and we aren’t too sure if it has more to do with the job-change or his meds. (We might think the latter, but only he really knows.)  It was great to finally have him at home the day AFTER Thanksgiving to enjoy the frenzied activity of ‘Black Friday’.  And he truly enjoyed it….time with the family was worth the day.  So, if you need someone to take a look at your insurance, just give him a call and he’ll be sure to hook you up to see how much your life is worth.

Shirley is still working at two different churches….the biggest decision she gets to make now is where to put the desk in her new office, once they get through building a new church.  Yes, there are new plans in works to build a new United Methodist church here in Carmi.  It is big news since they have been working on trying to get a vote passed to build a new church for nearly 20 years. (You know, small town speed)

After Katharine decided to abandon her parents, home and “bed” (which became an air mattress) for the summer break (from school in Missouri), she decided to run her good old, gold convertible into a bright yellow pole that itself decided NOT to move and did quite a bit of damage, not worth fixing.  We had to make an unexpected trip to retrieve her from Springfield, MO where she was staying for the summer and bring her home (Jessica is sad – she was supposed to get her chance to drive in style in the convertible)….luckily it was just a couple of days before her grandparents (Warren & Arvella) arrived from California for a much needed vacation.  During her time home, and with some help from others, she decided to buy a brand new Chevy Sonic so now she is riding around style in her digs near Evangel University.  She LOVES all the features of new technology in her own car (from hands-free phone calling to an actual CD player and OnStar.) Oh, by the way, she tells us, “At least my scooter isn’t on fire” (this is what the cops said to her when they found her car wrapped around the pole.)

Katharine gave us a scare after school started back this fall when she called us and said, “I’m in the emergency room”. Of course, all tests have come back negative for all things related to Katharine.  She is quite the little mystery.  Her next big decision is where, and when she will be going or living after graduation in May, 2015.  She may continue to work with those ‘clients’ after being with them all summer.  She did turn 21 this year and is now a …how shall we put this lightly, an alcoholic…..oh we mean ‘WORK-A-HOLIC’ She definitely needs AA. Rather WA since she already attends AA weekly at her “internship”.  At least now she knows her name! “Hi, my name is Catherin and I’m an intern”.  We always knew she could say it!

Jessica….oh Jessica, what can we say about Jessica….. Her decision was to run home from North Central College to Mommy and Daddy and live and go to school locally….only, for one year….She has decided to go BACK TO NORTH CENTRAL…. After we asked her if that’s what she should be doing when she came home!!!! Silly girl.  She still has decided to stay the course of photography and being a multi-media guru, i.e. Snapchat, FaceBook, FaceTime, Twitter, Instagram, etc. so if you need to get hold of her….just ask and you find her EVERYWHERE!!!

 

We kept taking early morning trips once a month to the train station to get Jessica from school in Chicago, just because….No really, she just couldn’t make up her mind if she wanted to be home where it was warm or to just come home to get warm.  At the end of June she decided Florida might thaw her out more so she took a trip and instead, got SUNBURNED – 1^st degree mind you.  The sun officially scarred her for life!  She is still thawing out today.  

The great thing about small colleges is that Jessica is SO smart, she decided to join the Phi Theta Kappa Honor Society.  We are proud of her for that. (As Katharine adds, ‘Aren’t you proud of me for working with drug abusers?’) **Please see attached.  So, at the bequest of someone unnamed, Jessica thought that the next best decision was to try and be Beauty Queen, or I mean, “Miss Gallatin County”.  The next question now is, “where can she sign up for Toddlers and Tiaras?” 

Joshua has decided that his time is best spent trying to make money by working as a McDonald’s expert at McDonald’s (he is only 15), so that he can pay for all his GAMES.  He decides to spend time on the Xbox360.  We only see him when he’s hungry or runs down the hallway YELLING, “Don’t Look!!”  He has now entered the grand stage of driving….the last one! And he thinks he knows it all…typical teenager.

Allie and Baby, aka – THE DOGS, are still figuring out ‘who rules the roost around here’.  Three-pound Baby shows her dominance (or tries) by choosing to crawl on top of Allie while she is in laying in her rightful bed. And Allie looking at us like, “So, you really are letting her do this to me?!”  To prove who still rules the roost, Allie still looks to us as the actual rulers of the roost, to get her ‘annoyance’ out of her bed on occasion.

Baby accurately represents her namesake while whining and crying, pooping and peeing and begging to be held ALL THE TIME!!  However, she’s become quite old and decided to displace a disk in her back and continues to act like a Baby.

Trent, Shirley’s brother, decided that he needed to get married in the small-town of Carmi, IL in May this year, instead of the mosquito capital of the US, Alaska – not sure about that but, He, Dawna and family from all over flew (or drove, or rode in on a moose, or dog-sledded) in to help them make this life-long decision.  It was a grand affair attended by all, including their father and his newest flame, Annette.  It would seem that he met her while doing a jig that impressed her so much that she decided to tag along and meet the entire family in one week.

Remodel of the upstairs (small) bathroom has started and is still going on...and on…and on... (and Jessica is still bothered about that), which is also helps feed the “Don’t Look” comments held by the youngest of all.  The decision to finish will start soon.  Next…the kitchen….OH, I’M OVERWHELMED ALREADY.  One too many decisions for this moment. (Shaking our heads – SOH, LOL) *See attached acronym list. – Please send suggestions to us at this time, thank you.

Chris & Shirley decided they needed a much-deserved vacation from the kids and ran off to Cape Girardeau, MO.  In case you didn’t know, this is where they filmed the movie ‘Gone Girl’.  It was interesting to see it on the big screen literally 3 days after we were there. Katharine was sad that she didn’t meet Ben Affleck or know they were in the same she was, or really mostly sad about not meeting Ben. Aka the ‘hottie’. And speaking of ‘big screens’, we went the store to look at bigger*** TVs than the current 23” in the house, and came home with one that 55” and is ‘smart’ (and almost smarter than the kids and computer, which keeps shutting down). New computer next?? Please send funds now (the TV was too much, jk).  Well, the decisions for this year have all been made.  Bring on 2k15. By next year our dogs (and Katharine) may learn to spell. No guarantees.

Love and Peace,

The Bovenkerk’s

Chris, Shirley, Katharine, Jessica, Joshua

(And the dogs – Allie and Baby)

*SMH, LOL (we don’t know either)

***and by bigger, we mean 3 times the size

 

P.S: When do we get our own reality TV show? We promise it won’t be called “Here comes the Bobobovenkerk’s” or “The Dutch Dynasty”.

P.P.S: Disclaimer- we cannot verify the authenticity of any of the above actions and/or facts and statements.  The only thing we promise, is that this letter will not be written next year on the Sunday before Christmas.

Who cares?

I pose this question after many, many months of soul searching.  Wondering if it is just me, or if things have just changed around me and I recognize it more.  I try searching for answers only to come to the same conclusion.  There isn't anyone who genuinely cares about anyone else.  I say this because of some of my own interactions with others.

Oh, I know, I could go into a lot of detail about a lot of things but, that only brings about hurt, anger, pain and more confusion.  So in keeping with things that are supposed to be 'christian' I am not going to keep a log of all that sort of stuff (I already have a full dufflebag that needs to be emptied).  I am just going to put it all aside and pray.  Pray that I am able to gain more insight into what my real purpose is here and if there are people around me who truly do care.

I am trying to get involved in lives of others around me, but seem to have many, many doors shut in my face or just left wide opened and not answered.  I am not allowed to become close to those in my community because I am seen as an outsider.  This is true of so many small towns where one person can be related to at least 1,000 others in the area.  So, in offending one, you in essence offend all of them and if you speak badly about one of them and so on.

Church offers me no better solutions to this problem either.  There is truly only so much that one person can do when they ask to be involved in things that are of interest to them, or to just plain out and out ask to be involved to have no follow-up given or just kind of be brushed off like you never said anything at all about your interest or involvement in that project or what not.  That being said, there are those who hurt feelings even without any regard to thinking that you were ever asking to be involved.  It does hurt and you do feel rejected when those kinds of things happen.  And then when you act differently, they say something to someone else who has nothing to do with any of it and what do you say.  You really can't because they just wouldn't understand.

That is just plain frustrating.  People in a small church don't need to rely just on a few to fill the role of many.  This just doesn't work and sure makes others feel pretty alone when the only times you call or make contact is when you want something from them.  That is pretty lonely to have a life that doesn't exist except inside the walls of the building.  Then I really don't want anything to do with them at all because if that is the way I am treated, I certainly don't want to be part of that.  It does give 'Christianity' a really bad name and leaves a really rotten taste in your mouth.

I am so frustrated with all of this and certainly cannot begin to express how I am feeling to them because they would simply say that I don't try hard enough or that its not true.  How do they know??  Are they really checking up on me?  Certainly not!  Any friends there? NO!  Anyone care that I don't come?  Nope again!  Does it really matter that I do or don't come?  No and No!  Sometimes the pain of that is so real.....I have tried to involve myself, but what I believe that my ministry is and what I have a passion for are not part of what this body is tied to.  Those things are beyond where I feel that my calling is.  This is stifling and limiting me.  I am quite nearly at my wits end of trying to just fit in.

All I have asked for is someone who will be willing to ask me to be involved, a follow-up to a question or an acknowledgment that is not something fake or forced just because it has to be done.  I, just like everyone else I know, like to be appreciated for who I am, what I can contribute and what I have that is an offering to make things work better. But that too seems like something that is never going to happen.  I can't make people like me.  I can't make people want my cell number, I can't make people reach out to me.  I try to and get rejected.  On so many levels....I am just hurt!

I don't have much to say to them, they are not who I thought they were and this isn't where I belong any more.

Sadly,
Alone

Meanderings

After such a long time away, there has been many changes that have occurred.  On July 4th was the first anniversary of my mom's death.  It was an ok time.  But since that time, I have struggled with many things.  The loss of others in my family, along with a major surgery have left me with many thoughts that aren't great!  We lost my uncle, who was diagnosed with a type of lymphatic leukemia around the same time my mom was diagnosed with her cancer.  Also we lost my beloved grandpa, who was a spry 98 years young.  Both on the same day and within 18 hours of each other!  This was all only in God's timing because these events occurred over the Christmas break when all my kids were home from school and we could travel to NY for the funerals.

Things have been so different around here knowing that I can't talk to my mom or my grandpa.  He was such a great man; my mom full of knowledge.

There have been struggles in trying to deal with elevated sugar levels since my surgery.  Especially disheartening since I have been doing a bit  more exercise, eating at home more often and just trying to watch my diet.  I'm feel a bit discouraged by the higher numbers and inability to control those through medication, exercise and diet.

I feel lost, lonely, alone, sad, disheartened, discouraged.  So many things.  I know that God is always with me and will protect me when I am going through these things.So much of this has me just kind of up-in-arms.

I am happy and sad over my children growing, changing and becoming persons that they are called to be.  I know that they each must go through things to help them grow and become loving, open, independent adults.  I just don't necessarily like the process for me.  I can only listen and encourage them as they go along with life at a pace that is coming like a herd of horses running across a field from delight.

Anyway, times will hit me and remind me of things that I honestly, have done wrong and just fail to take responsibility for and grow from.  I think that I want to hang onto them....and know that I can't!

Our dogs (Allie and Baby) are just reminders that life is just that simple.  Relax, depend on God and lay in his lap for comfort, warmth, strength and joy!  It isn't hard to figure out!  I need to remind myself of this fact more often!

In His love and peace