So much has happened in the last few weeks.....preparing and selling our house in less than 1 week, packing, moving, changing jobs.....trying to find new jobs....And, the most important thing. Relying on the faith that I have grown up with.
I find myself in the phase of transition. Leaving behind some things that are so precious to me. Two of my children, who are living their new lives on their own. I feel like I have abandon them for another time of need. But, I really haven't. It's simply the time and season.
I do also realize that life is full of changes. The oldest child (adult) has been married over a year and I must let her make choices and decisions as an adult with her husband in mind first (second only to the things of God). The younger girl, who move to a whole different area with her precious dog, will live with a friend and begin to explore a new way of life for herself. And my son, who will live with us momentarily. I only want that none of my children will walk away from the things of God and what is important for their eternal life.
The youngest, has struggled with lots of things. He is trying to be grown up and yet not quite able to do those things because he lacks some level of maturity, which he will gain with time.
All things considered, I feel sorry for myself because I left a great job that I had enjoyed for over 9 years! I struggle each day that I am not able to begin working and feel as though I have something important to contribute but yet, somehow I lack the know-how to do one particular thing. Knowing that God has all the best in store for me is still hard. I pray each day, but part of me still feels rather insecure about it all.
I have had two interviews and think that this job will be perfect for me. I am waiting to hear and yet, I feel beaten down because of myself and my seeming lack of confidence. I only pray that I am able to perform any job to the best of my abilities. It is hard to just let it all go and trust that things will all fall into place not knowing what is going to happen. Yes, things are different in a larger area and yes, it is harder to find something since things have all gone 'on-line'. Scams abound and that's terrible. I was just caught in one of them, but knew better than to let myself be held back by it.
Even church is different. Yes, I realize that this is a summer break for a lot of churches, but the feeling that something is lacking is overwhelming. We have not found that all important church yet to be part of; to connect with others in a way that only the Spirit can do and to be part of a bigger picture - an eternal one where my future matters for myself and others around me.
I pray that I am not so anxious that I lose sight of the most important things. Prayer and family and that I am thankful for every small thing I have in my life; my faith, my God, my husband and each of my children.
