My how we all change over time. I sat last week and had some very challenging things to grow into. There was a ton of activity at home and then there was a teaching that I was asked to prepare for on Friday night. Our prayer team at church is called P.U.S.H. ; which means Pray Until Something Happens. Well, we had planned to do an all night prayer time of learning and teaching. At about the minute I was asked to prepare something to teach, I think I panicked and went numb.
What was I to teach, how was I to write something I didn't feel qualified to tell everyone else and how well would it be received. Then, I came to realization that no matter what I said, unless it was ordained by God that I do it, then I was never going to be good enough. I think I learned more from just putting all the teaching together than from actually being prepared for the time.
At the event, there was 4 teachers who were involved. It was a nice time. It was an easy time to be awake for all who came. We had a really good turnout. And we thank God that so many were able and willing to come. Then, there was the song preparation for Sunday morning. That was a whole nother idea in itself. I was petrified and didn't want to ruin it and didn't feel prepared. Well, there I was up on the stage prepared to sing and then the music began. I was lost and the music didn't want to cooperate. I had a lot of comments because I didn't sing. I think people were more impressed that I didn't sing than that I did. Oh well, not to be disappointed.
So, I was asked to prepare for the possibility of doing something that night at the evening service, well we had a wonderful spirit-filled service and I felt ok that it was almost over. Then, the pastor startled me and asked me to sing anyway, so I gave it a shot. I think it was ok.
Oh yes, change has come and gone over time. The oldest comes and asks me questions and I can't believe that time has brought me closer to the point where she will be able to make her own decisions for her life and base her own future on her own choices. I hope that I have done everything right by her and not done damage. I am so thankful that she is a beautiful young woman who is being formed by God to His will. I pray every day that she is strong enough to stand by her own convictions and do what is right and make good choices, and that she will marry a man who has the same beliefs that she carries.
It makes me cry to think that, now that all the changes I think I have been ready the handle are here, how much I am going to miss having the little girl around who just needed to be tickled to be calmed as a baby. And told that she is good person who I love and is loved by all around her.
