All things considered, I have had quite a while to think on so many different things.
After visiting my mom in June, I decided to call my brother from Alaska and tell him that I thought things weren't good with my mom. It just didn't feel right to leave these things unsaid. He decided to visit her earlier than the August time he had given himself.
After a bit of time, I felt as though I needed to be there as well to just 'talk' a few things over and get prepared for the next few months/days, etc that we would be facing knowing that my mom was deteriorating at a pace we could not anticipate.
After arriving the 29th of June, we spent 5 days talking, watching and preparing for some really rough weeks ahead since my mom was given Hospice the day after we arrived.
Preparations were made and round the clock care was given and early in the morning hours on July 4th - and at 78 years of age, she passed. I am so glad that it was quick, but I miss her and things will not be the same for any of us.
My family drove to be here for me and it was a long few days and some very tearful moments, but life has and will move on from here. I know that I have a newfound respect for those who experience loss like this. I have changed some of my perceptions, not for the worse, but in a better way. I have come to think of so many different things in such a different way that I feel the Spirit in my life more.
Yes, I am deeply saddened by this, but I know that my Mom is now in a much better place than any of us could ever have imagined and no one can ever take away all of those memories, both good and bad from any of us. We simply must adjust to a new life devoid of the one who loved us in a way sometimes even we don't understand.
Now it is a different responsibility to take on the care of the ones left behind who don't have the companionship of their spouse/mother around. To make my sister understand probably will never happen, but at least we can know that she will probably never forget nor will she ever stop asking about what happened to 'Mommy' and when she is going to come and visit her again.
All we can say now is, "When we all get to heaven, what a glorious day that will be!"
I love you Mother and will never forget the life you were to so many around you.ijkatie@frontier.com
Monday, October 15, 2012
School down and now vacation!
There has been so much that has happened. One full year of college completed for the oldest, and she sure has changed. She is showing more signs of maturity. The middle child is on her journey to complte school this next year. Should be exciting. The youngest is just beginning to grow and show signs that he is truly just now beginning to be a teen.
The things that I havw been thinking about lately has more to do with my aging mom. She's not that old but, she has begun to show her age since last Aug when she had an initial surgery snd they told her she has cancer. Then she has been having treatments and another surgery for fused bowels with 6 inches removed. More treatment and then a fall wich she fractured her knee, pelvis and broke her arm just below the shoulder both vertical and horizontal.
All things considered, I thought she would be ok, but I was wrong. A typical vacation at her home was expected this June. That didn't happen. She just wasn't herself and I left wondering what was going to happen.
It makes me so sad to hear her trying to prepare us for things to come and being so snippy when I truly know she doesn't really mean to be. We are looking forward to some good times to come.
We'll see what happens.
The things that I havw been thinking about lately has more to do with my aging mom. She's not that old but, she has begun to show her age since last Aug when she had an initial surgery snd they told her she has cancer. Then she has been having treatments and another surgery for fused bowels with 6 inches removed. More treatment and then a fall wich she fractured her knee, pelvis and broke her arm just below the shoulder both vertical and horizontal.
All things considered, I thought she would be ok, but I was wrong. A typical vacation at her home was expected this June. That didn't happen. She just wasn't herself and I left wondering what was going to happen.
It makes me so sad to hear her trying to prepare us for things to come and being so snippy when I truly know she doesn't really mean to be. We are looking forward to some good times to come.
We'll see what happens.
Friday, January 20, 2012
Staying out of my own way
I have recently been reminded that I need to stay out of my own way. This is really the only possible thing that will help God to truly move in many areas of my life. If I become so obsessive and controlling about situations, God can never be allowed to move. This is especially true when it comes to what others will/are choosing to do with situations in their life.
I am strongly reminded that my faith must be bigger than my fear. If we are controlled by our fear, then we are standing in the very way of all the blessings that God wants to pour out, not just on our lives, but the lives of others. To become so obsessed is to constantly think about, create or form in our minds the things that WE desire, instead of letting God do the softening and moving in His own timing. We sometimes can see things in our heads and we want it so badly that we can cause sinning by deciding to try with all our effort and pursuade something/someone to move in our own way, rather than relying on prayer and petitions to ask God to move where/when/how he wants to do so in a persons life.
Our idea of evil can certainly be seen in the physical world around us, but we also need to be reminded that even though we sometimes may not see the good of God and how he is moving, if we just step back a few moments, pray and seek His face and hands for direction and guidance, then we truly will see how he moves.
Sometimes His very moves are what we perceive as slow, but we can tend to get in the way and cause a stall of movement. If we are willing to live our lives by asking in prayer and then setting back, not taking control of the situation, and watching how God truly does overcome all the evil things we see, then we will see the glory that He does when he moves because He loves us and truly wants what is best for us if we are so willing to just participate because He knows how things will turn out long before we ever even start to think of how in the world we possibly can move things on our own.
I see now that I have been standing in the middle of things and I need to get out of the way and ask the Father and those involved for forgivness for the way I have been and tried in any part to control or forget who is REALLY in control.
I am so blessed and I thank the Father for allowing me to help in reaching/training my children in His ways that they will never depart from Him, but help them to grow so they may each fulfill the potential they have for their lives in Him.
Praise be to God our Father who is ADONAI! Amen!
I am strongly reminded that my faith must be bigger than my fear. If we are controlled by our fear, then we are standing in the very way of all the blessings that God wants to pour out, not just on our lives, but the lives of others. To become so obsessed is to constantly think about, create or form in our minds the things that WE desire, instead of letting God do the softening and moving in His own timing. We sometimes can see things in our heads and we want it so badly that we can cause sinning by deciding to try with all our effort and pursuade something/someone to move in our own way, rather than relying on prayer and petitions to ask God to move where/when/how he wants to do so in a persons life.
Our idea of evil can certainly be seen in the physical world around us, but we also need to be reminded that even though we sometimes may not see the good of God and how he is moving, if we just step back a few moments, pray and seek His face and hands for direction and guidance, then we truly will see how he moves.
Sometimes His very moves are what we perceive as slow, but we can tend to get in the way and cause a stall of movement. If we are willing to live our lives by asking in prayer and then setting back, not taking control of the situation, and watching how God truly does overcome all the evil things we see, then we will see the glory that He does when he moves because He loves us and truly wants what is best for us if we are so willing to just participate because He knows how things will turn out long before we ever even start to think of how in the world we possibly can move things on our own.
I see now that I have been standing in the middle of things and I need to get out of the way and ask the Father and those involved for forgivness for the way I have been and tried in any part to control or forget who is REALLY in control.
I am so blessed and I thank the Father for allowing me to help in reaching/training my children in His ways that they will never depart from Him, but help them to grow so they may each fulfill the potential they have for their lives in Him.
Praise be to God our Father who is ADONAI! Amen!
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