After such a long time away, there has been many changes that have occurred. On July 4th was the first anniversary of my mom's death. It was an ok time. But since that time, I have struggled with many things. The loss of others in my family, along with a major surgery have left me with many thoughts that aren't great! We lost my uncle, who was diagnosed with a type of lymphatic leukemia around the same time my mom was diagnosed with her cancer. Also we lost my beloved grandpa, who was a spry 98 years young. Both on the same day and within 18 hours of each other! This was all only in God's timing because these events occurred over the Christmas break when all my kids were home from school and we could travel to NY for the funerals.
Things have been so different around here knowing that I can't talk to my mom or my grandpa. He was such a great man; my mom full of knowledge.
There have been struggles in trying to deal with elevated sugar levels since my surgery. Especially disheartening since I have been doing a bit more exercise, eating at home more often and just trying to watch my diet. I'm feel a bit discouraged by the higher numbers and inability to control those through medication, exercise and diet.
I feel lost, lonely, alone, sad, disheartened, discouraged. So many things. I know that God is always with me and will protect me when I am going through these things.So much of this has me just kind of up-in-arms.
I am happy and sad over my children growing, changing and becoming persons that they are called to be. I know that they each must go through things to help them grow and become loving, open, independent adults. I just don't necessarily like the process for me. I can only listen and encourage them as they go along with life at a pace that is coming like a herd of horses running across a field from delight.
Anyway, times will hit me and remind me of things that I honestly, have done wrong and just fail to take responsibility for and grow from. I think that I want to hang onto them....and know that I can't!
Our dogs (Allie and Baby) are just reminders that life is just that simple. Relax, depend on God and lay in his lap for comfort, warmth, strength and joy! It isn't hard to figure out! I need to remind myself of this fact more often!
In His love and peace
