Sad moments

All things considered, I have had quite a while to think on so many different things.

After visiting my mom in June, I decided to call my brother from Alaska and tell him that I thought things weren't good with my mom.  It just didn't feel right to leave these things unsaid.  He decided to visit her earlier than the August time he had given himself.

After a bit of time, I felt as though I needed to be there as well to just 'talk' a few things over and get prepared for the next few months/days, etc that we would be facing knowing that my mom was deteriorating at a pace we could not anticipate.

After arriving the 29th of June, we spent 5 days talking, watching and preparing for some really rough weeks ahead since my mom was given Hospice the day after we arrived.

Preparations were made and round the clock care was given and early in the morning hours on July 4th - and at 78 years of age, she passed.  I am so glad that it was quick, but I miss her and things will not be the same for any of us.

My family drove to be here for me and it was a long few days and some very tearful moments, but life has and will move on from here.  I know that I have a newfound respect for those who experience loss like this.  I have changed some of my perceptions, not for the worse, but in a better way.  I have come to think of so many different things in such a different way that I feel the Spirit in my life more.

Yes, I am deeply saddened by this, but I know that my Mom is now in a much better place than any of us could ever have imagined and no one can ever take away all of those memories, both good and bad from any of us.  We simply must adjust to a new life devoid of the one who loved us in a way sometimes even we don't understand.

Now it is a different responsibility to take on the care of the ones left behind who don't have the companionship of their spouse/mother around.  To make my sister understand probably will never happen, but at least we can know that she will probably never forget nor will she ever stop asking about what happened to 'Mommy' and when she is going to come and visit her again.

All we can say now is, "When we all get to heaven, what a glorious day that will be!"

I love you Mother and will never forget the life you were to so many around you.ijkatie@frontier.com

School down and now vacation!

There has been so much that has happened.  One full year of college completed for the oldest, and she sure has changed.  She is showing more signs of maturity.  The middle child is on her journey to complte school this next year.  Should be exciting.  The youngest is just beginning to grow and show signs that he is truly just now beginning to be a teen.

The things that I havw been thinking about lately has more to do with my aging mom.  She's not that old but, she has begun to show her age since last Aug when she had an initial surgery snd they told her she has cancer.   Then she has been having treatments and another surgery for fused bowels with 6 inches removed.  More treatment and then a fall wich she fractured her knee, pelvis and broke her arm just below the shoulder both vertical and horizontal.

All things considered, I thought she would be ok, but I was wrong.  A typical vacation at her home was expected this June.  That didn't happen.  She just wasn't herself and I left wondering what was going to happen.

It makes me so sad to hear her trying to prepare us for things to come and being so snippy when I truly know she doesn't really mean to be.  We are looking forward to some good times to come.

We'll see what happens.