I was wondering and getting really frustrated earlier today and just when I thought that I was at my wits end, I discovered that I really have an issue......An issue with food as a friend and a compass for my mounting debt troubles.
Yes, we all make mistakes but I was really covering up my unwillingness to change by eating. Eating everything all the time and mostly in solace. I started doing this as a teen. Food became my emotional outlet for many things. It was there when I needed someone to just hang around and talk to. Only trouble is I was using food so much that no matter how much money I didn't have, I was (and still do) eat by myself and hide food from everyone else. I think that if I have food stuffed in the closet or hidden where no one else will find it that I can just go get it and eat and it will make me feel all better......
Trouble is, because I eat by myself, I have really run myself into a mound of debt. I will eat before I pay a bill and then wonder why there isn't enough money left to pay the bill.....Then I will go out and eat some more....It sure is a lot easier to eat out and not cook....only trouble with that is when you take a family of 5 out to dinner, it really does add up quickly and a lot!
So, not only has my eating not done me any good physically, but it has created a lot more of the emotional stress than I ever needed in my life. It is hurting me by making me large and not wanting to do anything and it is hurting me financially too. I have begun, finally, to realize after almost 25 years of doing this to myself, that I really am hurting emotionally. I now need to change what and how I feel about food......not to let it control me, but to let God do the controlling and let Him take me out of the problem that I have in relying on something that he already says has enough trouble of it's own....Not to worry about tomorrow, or the clothes that I wear or the things that I will eat because He already knows exactly where and why and how all of these things work in our lives!
Now comes the hard part of this all.......CHANGE!!!!!
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Friday, March 19, 2010
Frustration
Hey there:
I have been thinking about a lot of things lately and realize that I am really far from perfect. Of course, we all are in some way, shape or form, but I mean really, not perfect. I cannot please everyone who asks me a question about something in my life. I feel as though I have failed on some very large level. How do we all go through life on a shoe-string and not get caught in some trap that it manages to create around all of the choices that we make?
I guess that is why I am trying to unravel all of the things that I thought once were the 'right' decisions to make. Especially financially. Why is it that we seem to believe that living on the very edge of making all of our monthly payments is something that should give us satisfaction. And, I know that I am NOT the only person out there who genuinly tries really hard to make the 'right' financial decisions only to find that at the end of the month, I am running out of time and money!!!!! It is downright frustrating thinking that I have made some of the greatest contributions only to find that in the long-run, it really hurts. I thank God right now that I am not able to just run out and get all the loans that I need to try and make all of those catch-up payments. I just hate having to go through all the processes of being down in the pit of despair and feeling like no one really cares about it at all......If I try to catch up on this, then that goes behind....and I try to catch up on that, then this goes behind......we all want to have things and we all desire to be accepted, but truly AT WHAT COST????
This really has been very much a hard-fought learning experience for me....I am going to do my best to truly do the things that I now realize are the correct things to do....Not the 'right' thing!
Well, I truly hope that I have helped someone out there who is struggling and can have them know that they are not alone in feeling the way they do......After all, Christ is the one who gave his all for what we enjoy!! FREEDOM!!
Peace and Blessings
I have been thinking about a lot of things lately and realize that I am really far from perfect. Of course, we all are in some way, shape or form, but I mean really, not perfect. I cannot please everyone who asks me a question about something in my life. I feel as though I have failed on some very large level. How do we all go through life on a shoe-string and not get caught in some trap that it manages to create around all of the choices that we make?
I guess that is why I am trying to unravel all of the things that I thought once were the 'right' decisions to make. Especially financially. Why is it that we seem to believe that living on the very edge of making all of our monthly payments is something that should give us satisfaction. And, I know that I am NOT the only person out there who genuinly tries really hard to make the 'right' financial decisions only to find that at the end of the month, I am running out of time and money!!!!! It is downright frustrating thinking that I have made some of the greatest contributions only to find that in the long-run, it really hurts. I thank God right now that I am not able to just run out and get all the loans that I need to try and make all of those catch-up payments. I just hate having to go through all the processes of being down in the pit of despair and feeling like no one really cares about it at all......If I try to catch up on this, then that goes behind....and I try to catch up on that, then this goes behind......we all want to have things and we all desire to be accepted, but truly AT WHAT COST????
This really has been very much a hard-fought learning experience for me....I am going to do my best to truly do the things that I now realize are the correct things to do....Not the 'right' thing!
Well, I truly hope that I have helped someone out there who is struggling and can have them know that they are not alone in feeling the way they do......After all, Christ is the one who gave his all for what we enjoy!! FREEDOM!!
Peace and Blessings
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